Attention all homeschooling families! At some point this year someone is going to ask you or your children, "What about socialization?"
Chances are the answer will catch in your throat. Or you will mutter something lamely under your breath then, as you load the children into their car seats and strap seatbelts on, you will think of all the grand words and smart comebacks you should have said (but didn’t) to state your case. You might get defensive and that’s okay for beginners. We’ve all been there. You might end up arguing about the negative socialization traits rampant in the public school system which you are hoping to avoid by homeschooling your child. Take my word for it; this will not make your case attractive to the jury.
As Alice Gunther reminds us in her new book Haystack Full of Needles, “Most questions---even the probing ones---come not out of any unkindness, but from the sincere concern others have for our children. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends love our children and want to understand our choices.”
They “want to understand our choices.” Truly they do. How often do we look at something our children have done or a decision made and we ask ourselves, “Why did they do that? What was going on in their head?” We truly want to understand the workings of their minds. We want to know what makes them tick. And, most of all, we want to see them happy.
Alice Gunther, in writing this book, has made our case easier to defend to the people who care about our children. Now we have a sword in hand or, rather a needle, to brandish before us. Haystack Full of Needles: A Catholic Home Educator’s Guide to Socialization gives you the words, the wisdom, the guidance, and the motivation to explore the haystacks that dot your area of the country and, perhaps, harvest a few haystacks of your own.
I would like to note, from personal experience as well as Alice's book, that in flipping haystacks over or in harvesting your own, the role of the mother as farmer cannot (should not) be taken lightly. Planting, nurturing, and harvesting friendships (for us and for our children) is no different than planting, nurturing, and harvesting a field. It’s not an easy task but it is worth the work. Haystacks are not self-made and needles are not found without diligent, thoughtful probing. Haystacks are made by us and needles are found by us. The mother must be willing to pick up a pitch fork and work the haystacks God has placed on her prairie. She must be willing to dig her hand into the prickly, moist pile and carefully probe her sensitive fingertips for the illusive needle of friendship. Then we must discern if it's a needle or just a feisty piece of straw. Is the needle tarnished from sitting in the haystack too long and demands more of our time and attention to shine it up and care for it?
I have found this to be true. The friends my family and I have received through our years of homeschooling are friends whom no school ever gave me nor could they give my children. These friends will indeed last my whole life long. These friends are more like family. They are close to the heart of my family because we relate to one another, we know the other’s heart, and we speak the same language. And, guess what! Not all those friends are homeschooling friends. Again, homeschoolers find friends in the world at large. Socialization is all about relationships and how we embrace those relationships. As Alice reminds us, “ ‘Socialization’ as a process of relating to others begins in the bosom of one’s family and takes place naturally in countless ways…”
I suspect parents who send their children to public school every year go through the same needle-ly worries. Needles must be inspected and judged to be the right fit, have the right eye, and have the correct endurance. It is the work that is different. Rather than going to the store and looking on neatly ordered shelves to find the correct grade of needles and purchasing several in an attempt to find a packet of good ones, homeschooling moms prefer to go a different route and find friendships in the world at large. We trust and pray that God will help us as we work the fields. We trust and pray He will send labors to help with the haying. We trust and pray that the few needles we and our children stick mindfully in our pockets are more valuable (to us anyway) because of the extra labor involved.
It is work, but the fruits of friendship have never been obtained through idle chatter or wishful thinking. All good things take careful planning, thoughtful searching, and intentional upkeep.
Alice's book gives you a list of ways to go about dotting haystacks onto your own backyard and shows you how to jump joyfully into them. The ideas and inpiration are in abundance. Alice takes you from praying, to planning, to preparing, to presenting friends into your homes and into your lives. She shows you how to look for the simple offerings life has to offer. It's not rocket-scieince, it's building a Christian family outside your home with this book as your guide.
If you have made homeschooling a commitment to the lifestyle of your family then your family deserves nothing less than a mother who will plant the seeds of hospitality, prune the stems of time, hoe the furrows of hope, water the rows of friendship, and feed her children with the harvest of joy. It’s a tall order, taller than anything you’ve ever ordered on Amazon.com but Alice’s book is an affordable little socialization-receipt book that will help you plan the next school year with diligent, thoughtful guidance.
Personally I am not aware of any other book on the market that speaks strictly of socialization for homeschoolers. For me Haystack Full of Needles is a chance to have a personal tete-a-tete with a wise friend and mentor before the new school year arrives filtering the year with sharp pencils and shavings.
As I sit here with Alice's new book Haystack of Needles on my lap, I am grateful that, because she allowed God to lead her hand in writing this book and having it published, I get to hold the hand of a friend...the hand of a fellow Catholic homeschooling friend. This is purely figuratively, of course.
Alice lives in New York State; I live in Louisiana. I've never met her in real life, but I know her heart because she has shared herself so unselfishly online through the years.
Still, the Internet (even blogs) can in no way reach out and physically touch a person. Other than the words which touch the heart, the computer screen offers nothing tangible to grasp like a warm handshake, a friendly hug, an assuring pat on the back. Books give us that. Books are like carrying your best friend around with you in your pocket...or purse. Books take the heart and soul of your friend and put them into a jar or box to keep your whole life long.
In the Oliver Twist musical, there is a song "Who Will Buy" with the chorus:
"Who will buy this wonderful morning?
Such a sky you never did see!
Who will tie it up with a ribbon
And put it in a box for me?
So I could see it at my leisure,
Whenever things go wrong,
And I would keep it as a treasure
To last my whole life long."
How often do we wish we could wrap a good thing in a box or a jar and keep it to last our whole life long? Starting today I get to schedule a tete-a-tete with Alice Gunther whenever I want to. Starting today I get to take Alice for a ride with me to the park, to the pool, or to the doctor's office. Starting today I have a wonderful friend I can see at my leisure and talk to when things go wrong.
Books afford us this pleasure. You can’t put a price tag on it.
Haystack Full of Needles by Alice Gunther is available from Hillside Education
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