Spaghetti-Stained Accolades

I just came from another lady's blog. It's lovely, heartfelt, and moving.

Her comments register 213 to 361 comments per post. Impressive!

I was envious. I admit it. Me with my 2 to 5 posts per comment. I was uncharitably, unChristianably envious.

Gone were the lovely lip-sings of this past conference in Houston. Silenced were the sweet serenades. Interrupted was my brief interlude. Gone was the unexpectedly delightful acclaim that we all claim not to want, but secretly desire and cherish.

Still I love her blog. It moves my spirit and lifts my heart. I will keep visiting it.

I clicked on to another dear lady's blog. Her GoogleReader links never hold any of my blog posts. Makes me sad because somehow, someway I thought she liked me. At one time I romanced the thought that my writing fancied her...at one time. She called me once and encouraged me in my "God-given talent." Guess through time she realized I wasn't as good or as witty or as talented or as friendly as she previously suspected.

I've lost my touch. I've definitely lost my touch.

So, for a moment I wondered why I continue to click and read and set myself up for failure as a lesser pawn of God. Why do I do that to myself? And I sit here feeling quite neglected, quite unheard, quite unappreciated, quite like Christ must have felt in the Garden of Gethsemane.

But then, I'm not Christ; now am I? And my garden blooms.

And to remind me of this, God sent a little angel.

Actually it was a smacking (or was it slurping) sound at my shoulder coming from the spaghetti-sauce stained lips of my tousled-headed child.  Turning from the screen gave me the brightest, most awakening insight of all. Annie's face, her laughter, her wispy fingers on my neck and her bowl of spaghetti filtered through all my senses. Her squeaky, "Mommy, I do love you" was the accolade that trumpeted and awoke in me such an enormous amount of gratitude and appreciation that it brought tears to my eyes.

The appreciation and acclaim I am given within my household is the arcanum that will get me into heaven. I need not look outside the gate walls for anything more. This...the here and the now...is what matters. This...the spaghetti and unbrushed hair...is what matters. This...the silence of the sleeping child in my bed as I type...is what matters.  This...the wilted carrots and springtime clovers next to my keyboard...is what matters.

Nothing outside of this really matters. These are the people who know me...my flaws, my faults, my failings.

And they still love me.

Perhaps I haven't lost my touch (or my audience) afterall.

Comments

[Rachel]

I know exactly how you feel, I think.

[Kimberly]

Looking at my own mussed-hair beauties, I can sigh with you and say, yes, they still love me.
And my touch is what they long for everyday.

Love to you,
kimberly

[Paula in MN]

I haven't commented, or posted for that matter, in a long time. I'm still here, reading you and praying for the day when we finally meet. I know how you feel.

[Oma]

As the sun sets, the light dims, and we wait for tomorrow.
As the sun rises, the light shines, and we look to the future.
As we live in the present, enjoy each moment, and see the beauty God has bestowed upon us.

You haven't lost your touch...you're only writing indelible memories with your daughter, in the present. Tomorrow will come on its own accord, and the future will offer itself once again.

Be happy...God has His plans for you in His time...you are doing now what God has mapped out...don't rush him.

[Stephanie B]

I am a very regular follower of your blog. I do not remember how I came across it but am thankful that I did. I am from Silsbee Texas...about 30 minutes from Vinton. I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate the uplifting and loving way you post. Thank you for being the woman and mother....example you are.
Stephanie from TExas

[Grace]

*feels very guilty* The only reason I haven't commented lately, my dear Mrs Gibson is because I haven't gotten the chance to get online! Heh...you would think the blog-addicted girl that I am would find a way, but life has just so busy I am flying out the door half the time.

Ah...the foreshadowing of motherhood... :)

Anyhoo, this morning after waking up and staggering into the living room, I had a chance to get on the computer and instantly thought of your blog. So I patiently nagged my mom off - clinked on a page to print out info on Fr Seelos for John - and while that was happening, happily pattered my way onto your blog which has changed since I've last visited!

You haven't lost your touch at all, Miss Cay! If anything, you always are an inspiration to me. Why, just this morning when I was putting my Scapular on, your book "Picture Perfect Childhood" which was in its place in a little bookcase by my bed, caught my eye and I said a silent prayer of thanksgiving for God putting you in our life and giving my mom and I such a friend as you.

You truly are a Cajun mama who always brings a smile to everyone's face. :)

Whenever I visit your blog or even think about it I get a lovely feeling in my heart because you write sincerely and beautifully from your heart in the midst of the busy chaos of a homeschooling Catholic family, and I can always count on feeling uplifted and reknewed in my faith at your words.

Thank you, Miss Cay, and please don't ever stop writing. You have never lost your touch or audience - we'll always be here!

Much love,
Grace

[Betty]

You are one of my absolute favorite writers! You are so talented in so many ways!

Blessings and Hugs!

[Tammy Jimenez]

Cay you definitely are one of my all time favorite bloggers!! I met you at the conference this weekend and your cheery soul was confirmation all along that you are DEFINITELY shining forth Christ to all of us out here in homeschool blogging land!!
Keep it up!!!

[Susan (aka Birdie)]

Ahh Cay,
I've been reading your blog/work for years, yep years, praying for your SIL at this time too and often for you all especially during hurricane season. I find your writing very encouraging, I like your posts about decorating, one I remember off the top of my head asking us to guess what was behind door one or two. I like your peeks into Cajan life, recipes, hurricane prep. and your posts about your little one wanting to try out "real school" and the American Girl Study and your posts about liturgical get togethers, I remember one where girls were crafting at a picnic table. Keep writing Cay, there are some, like me, who often think people as successful as you in publishing hs materials, blogging, don't necessarily want a wider circle of blogging friends. Maybe post some prompts to get us telling our opinions on this or that thought.
Hugs,
Birdie

[Beth]

Oh Cay! I love your blog - since I moved up here to Alabama from New Orleans it helps me see something familiar. I just never think to comment. I check you everyday.

[KC]

You know I love your blog. Keep doing what you're doing, I'm loving it.

Also, I understand all about the comments. it's a validation of sorts and it's hard not to get caught up in the numbers.

Love to you!

[Layla]

You know Miss Cay, I always say to myself, "Can we live at your house, Please, Miss Cay!" I admire you, your blog, your relationship with your children, your way of homeschooling...and just wonder, "Can I be like that, God?" I have been feeling so down and trapped and just gone lately, it helps to know that you are real too. Love, Layla

[Nicole]

I love your sensitivity and total humility Cay. If only more people could be like you, and say what they really feel, and not pretend like everything is "La,la,la". My goal is to be more like you! What a remarkable person you are! Thank you for being so real..I've always wondered what it would be like to write a blog..could never do what you do, as delightful as you do! You make it look so easy and fun and .. how do you do it?! I enjoy all of your posts on 4Real as well! Persevere, believe in yourself, remember you are #1 in God's and your kids eyes and know that I am praying for you!