Does Your Light Shine?

I think what really bothers me about yesterday's pity-party (the one I almost didn't post but I did anyway because my blog is my place to "shout-out"), is that I allowed myself to become so egotistical and self-centered as to let comments and GoogleReaders bother me. What rule have they over me?

That I would allow myself to measure my worth and esteem by the number of comments I get per post or the number of views I get per day or the inclusion of GoogleReader sharings is rather lame.

But writers are known for being somewhat sensitive to the little things.

Still...I'm annoyed with myself.

I lead a blessed life. Yet I fell so low as to count my importance by blog comments! For shame on me!

Emily is praying for a miracle for her little Matthew Karol and I'm sulking about blog comments!

My sister-in-law and friend Melissa are in the hospital fighting for their lives and I'm whining about blog comments!

My friend Audry and the doctors are fighting to save her five-year-old's eyesight and I'm stamping my thumb over blog comments!

Really!

I have no business here. I should be down on my knees praying.

I'll admit to being tired. I've had a tough couple of weeks and it's better to have a "shout-out" here than to have a pity-party at home in the mist of my family.

Still...life is too short for goofing off or counting the comments on one's blog.

Perhaps I should restrict access to the comment sections and delete GoogleReader. It's a thought.

These conversations always bring us back to: Why did I create this blog in the first place?

My favorite categories of this blog are: "Joy of Children" and "Kids Say the Funniest Things." That's why I blog. If anything else comes from it, it is all for God's glory.

And to humor my children. :-) Yesterday when Annie asked to cook with me, she asked me to take pictures and put them on my blog.

Let's define the definition of "egotistical", shall we? LOL

But it delights me to see my children happy, to see them shine, to see them realize that they are good at something...and want to share it. This blog serves two-fold. Annie gets to show off her new skills to all of you but I get to set-up a scrapbook, a memory book, a time machine for my children, my family. They will forget most of this stuff, especially the little daily things like cooking and decorating cakes with friends, chasing chickens at Uncle Rusty's, the birthday parties, and snakes. But it's all here for them to click on and enjoy. And I do want them to enjoy it. And, foremost, I want them to remember that it was a good life. A very good life.

And so I will continue to move outside of myself. That's what God wants. That's what I want. It's a wonderful life and I want to live it to its fullest. It's worth celebrating. I'm an idealist, true, but I can also be an overbearing realist when the need calls. I've fought all my life to throw off the cloak of cynicism because I've seen how ugly it can be. It is not of God.

I read today...just this morning...on someone's blog a quote about it not being the weight of the burden we carry, but the way we carry it that is important. It's the way we carry our duties in life that make Christ's light shine through us. Now I can't find that elusive quote. I've Googled it and checked my GoogleReader and simply can't find the exact quote. But it spoke to me.

How will I carry myself? How will I allow Christ's light to shine through me to others? We are a JOYful people. We shine. Will I allow my life and my reputation be defined by the amount of comments I receive or the number of blog visits or the frequency of GoogleReaders? Or will my life be defined for what I am? A child of God! A daughter, sister, granddaughter, aunt, wife, and mother working and living in the body of Christ?

I will continue to move outside of myself and focus on the JOY of my family, the JOY of my children, the JOY of my life, and the JOY of blogging. This is so not about me. It's about the life I love. It's about the people God has blessed me with. It's about glorifying His name and His presence in my life. It's about carrying my baggage with dignity and respect for myself and for the God who made me.

If it does not eek of JOY, I will not blog it (except for prayer intentions). If it does not whisper of JOY, I will cast it off. Life is hard enough. We must search, find, and focus on the JOY. And that is what I plan to do.

A prolific contributor at the 4Real Forums shared this quote today and I want to share it with everyone who is here with me:

"Joy in life is like oil in a lamp. When the oil gets low the wick is consumed, emitting a black vapor, and sending forth only a lurid glow, which does not give light. A life without joy passes away unprofitably, shedding around it only gloom and sorrow. If every morning in a simple prayer-in those fifteen minutes' meditation (which only seem hard when we do not practise it), we opened our hearts to God, as we open our windows to the sun and air, God would fill it with that calm, sweet joy which elevates the soul, prevents it feeling the weight of troubles, and makes it overflow with benevolence. But joy does not mean levity, witty sayings, or repartee...it is habitual serenity." ~ ("Gold Dust", edited by Charlotte Yonge and published in 1897)

My prayer today is that God grants me the "habitual serenity" to desire only His working in my life...and nothing more. I apologize for "emitting a black vapor and sending forth only a lurid glow, which does not give light" in last night's post.

A good night's sleep, a promised day off, a lovely spring day which promises a weeding of a bountiful garden, and some wise words from ladies God sent to me is all I needed to recharge and refocus and relight my wick.

You are all in my prayers. Let your light shine. God bless!

Comments

[Charlotte (Matilda)]

Thank you for posting that post that you almost didn't and for posting this one. It is these kinds of "real" posts that make me glad that I am apart of this wonderful world of blogs. As for my lack of comments here and elsewhere, it has more to do with limiting online time than anything else. I have a choice between spending my time reading posts or commenting on them and I have been choosing the former. I am still here and reading what you have to say and finding it thought provoking in many different ways. I hope you know that I appreciate you for that!

[joann10]

I also want to thank you so much for opening yourself up to us. Your blog is usually one of my first stops--but usually, as wih Charlotte, time isn't on my side, and I leave without letting you know I have visited.

It is helpful to know that I am not the only person to fall into these "dark times"--but I could never post about them because of the great concern it would cause my family, who know some of the "dark-scary" places I sometimes find myself.

I would love to have permission to take this statement as my own.

"My prayer today is that God grants me the "habitual serenity" to desire only His working in my life...and nothing more." Amen!

[Paula in MN]

Thank you Cay!

[Cay]

Joann,
My dear, you are free to use whatever you need that you find her. I give it freely and feel very blessed that you can use it. :-)

Just one thing, reading over that sentence I'm thinking I should have put "...to desire only His WILL in my life."

Edit it however you like and serves you. :-)

Thank you, ladies, for taking the time to stop and write. I'm rather ashamed of myself this morning because I seldom leave quotes myself and then go on binges hoping no one feels neglected.

Love you!

[Cay]

I meant:

"... I seldom leave COMMENTS myself and then go on binges hoping no one feels neglected."

:)

[Oma]

Thata girl! Bravo!

[Lisa Sweet]

Cay,
I just want to let you know that I have three of your books (Catholic Mosaic, A Picture Perfect childhood, and Christmas Mosaic) and your work has opened up the world of "picture books" for me and my family. My children are benefiting greatly from what I have learned from you. You've lost nothing, dear lady. You are an inspiration.
God bless you.

[Ruth]

Dear Cay. I love your blog, your writing and we are blessed by you in so many ways. I have cut my computer time to 4 days a week and am not able to leave comments, but know that we love you. I'd love to talk again soon.

[Margaret Mary Myers]

Hi Cay,

I don't get on the computer as much as I'd like now that I am working part time outside the home as well as homeschooling one visually impaired high schooler and providing moral support to grown kids, some long distance by phone. I do read your blog most of the time...but I won't show up on Google Reader because I read it through Bloglines. Once in a while - like today - I click through. The rest of the time you won't even know I was here. :) But I am here, and I appreciate the beauty, friendliness and openness of your blog. This post and the one it refers to are no exceptions.

You have made me think. I once wrote a blog post about blog manners, making an analogy to attending a party in someone's home. (http://mmmreflections.blogspot.com/2007/08/party-manners-for-blog-visits.html). What I was thinking after reading your post this morning is that if I were in someone's home, I would take the time to say thank you before I left. Some people just aren't into writing but at least for those of us who do write, perhaps it would be "the better thing" to leave a comment now and then, even if it's just a brief "hi" or "Thank you!"

Thank you, Cay, for bringing sunshine into our homes and our lives with your posts.

Margaret Mary

[Margaret Mary Myers]

Hmm, that link I posted didn't work because the parenthesis and period got in the way.
http://mmmreflections.blogspot.com/2007/08/party-manners-for-blog-visits.html

[Lisa]

Cay,
sometimes a "pity party" is what we need to be able to realize all the wonderful things we take for granted in our day to day lives. I have a few "parties" myself and I always leave "drunk" on thankfulness.