It's a Lifestyle

I bumped buggies with a friend at the supermarket the other day.

Allie is a wonderful, lovely lady. When she sees you she makes you feel as though you are truly someone special.

It doesn't matter that she's a public school first grade teacher and I'm a homeschool mother. It doesn't matter than her two girls are cutely dressed and my two girls are still in their playclothes from home. It doesn't matter that her girls have big puffy bows in their well-combed hair while my girls have quickly snatched-up headbands keeping unruly hair out of their eyes.

What matters is that she's glad to see us. She makes my girls feel special and she makes me feel as though she has all the time in the day to stand in the shopping aisle and visit with me. Our girls exchange hugs. Allie and I talk small talk and shop.

And she asks how our first day of school was and I ask her how hers was and we exchange notes and plans for the school year.

"You know," she confides to me, "I have a little homeschooled boy this year." Smiling all the while, because Allie's face is one that naturally smiles all the while, she sighs. "I don't think his mother did as good a job homeschooling him as you're doing with your children."

"Really?" I'm at a loss for what to reply.

I look at my first grader talking with Allie's oldest daughter. It passes through my mind that I'd appreciate a quick critic from Allie of my first grader just to see if she's up-to-par with the "requirements" of first grade. What makes her say, after only one day of observation, that this little homeschooled boy isn't as educated as he should be?

Does she expect him to be able to read? Does he know all his phonic sounds? Surely he knows his alphabet by now.

"You know," Allie continues, "homeschooling is a great option. We can't beat the one-on-one interaction. I have 26 children in my class this year. I can't possibly give that many students what a homeschooling mother can give. But if it isn't done right..." and she kind of shrugs, still smiling.

"But, " I want to say (but don't), "homeschooling isn't about all that. The reasons we homeschool our children are so much more than how they can perform in a classroom compared to 25 other children their age. It's a lifelong process and offers so many opportunities. It's so much more..."

But I don't say anything.

I nod, lacking the ability to put my minced thoughts into vocal words. I'm smiling back at a friend whom I only see randomly because we are both involved with schooling and children through two different venues. She's not anti-homeschooling so she has my respect. I'm not anti-public/private school so I have her respect.  We both agree that the teacher, whether she gives her time to her own children or other children, needs to give her best to these children. We both place children at the top of our priority list.

I like Allie. She likes me. This is not a conversation up for defense, justification, or debate. It's a friendly meeting of friends.

I nod again and tell her how glad I am that she and the girls were not hurt in their recent fender-bender. We talk a while longer then the girls hug good-bye, Allie gives me one last dear friendly smile and our buggies roll off in different directions.

That's when I realize the missed opportunity in this friendly exchange of words. I regret that I didn't have the words to share with Allie what homeschooling really is. She is my friend and she's open minded enough to "get it".

Homeschooling isn't about whether the first grader learned to read in Pre-K or at the end of second grade. I had one read at age four, one read at age eight, and the other three at age six. They can now all read. Does it matter when they learned? It isn't about whether the first grader knows how to sit in his seat or not. Some do, some don't. It isn't about whether the child can name the planets this fall or next. Some children can name constellations that are new to me. Does that make the child smarter than me?

Some parents believe in the Better Late Than Early approach. Just because a new child in a new school doesn't know the regimented information when he/she goes into a classroom doesn't mean he/she won't know it tomorrow. If one little fourth grader is taught about electricity in her science class while another little fourth grader is taught about space, it doesn't make the other one uneducated. It means she was only taught something different at a different time than the other. But America's educational system wants everyone on the same page, or at least in the same book.

Homeschoolers prefer to read a different book entirely.

So what is home education?

What home education is, what I wish I had been able to put into words for my friend and what I have tried to articulate to family members in the past eleven years, is a lifestyle. Clear and simple as that, but it isn't clear and simple to the ones outside this free thinking mode of education.

It's a concept most people cannot relate to in today's 21st century or don't allow themselves to relate to.

It's simply a lifestyle and we love it. We surround ourselves with our children and like-minded people and we form a community. Often this community meets at a weekly co-op.

We live a lifestyle where:

• the family, not the government, is the nucleus. 
• our rules are based on holy Scripture.
• our discipline is tempered with respect, not fear.
• our children's learning and individual needs---each individual child---is carefully considered, prayed over, and planned accordingly.
• learning happens 24/7.
• travel is considered one of the highest forms of education.
• grandparents teach our children higher ideals and compassion for their fellow human beings than any institution could.
• siblings teach one another the ultimate level of sharing and getting along.
• reading is not a simple "drop-everything-and-read" program but, rather, the cement that holds our other plans together.
• we eat lunch with Daddy (even if it's a spontaneous picnic in the parking lot at work or in his office) instead of going all day not seeing him.
• a trip to the grocery store or post office is considered hands-on learning.
• we don't miss any days of learning due to hurricane evacuation.
• learning is not based on a solitary grade but on a lifetime of "You did it!"

There are other benefits to this lifestyle. These are the ones I thought of. If you have any more to share, we'd all love to hear them.

It's not easy explaining this lifestyle to people who do not live or support this lifestyle, but it does exist and it's a good life.

Comments

[Kimberly]

Cay,
What is even more confusing is how much "not right" a mom can do with a child just entering first grade? Kind of quick to judge, isn't it?

I have enjoyed your blog posts this week. I appreciate having another friend going thru the same things. You have helped me as I continue to refine my own answers when questioned.

Just this week, I sat across from a highly educated man whose son left for Stanford today. Our 3 hours were spent with him peppering me with truly interest-led questions about homeschooling. He was amazed that I was planning on continuing now that my eldest is high school-age. He continually admitted his admiration for my commitment to do this. My dh says he often asks him how we do it too.

I am glad that as I learn with my children, I am more and more confident in my answers.

Keep up the great work, Mom!

Love to you and yours.

[mrs darling]

Well thats one of the best renditions for homeschooling Ive heard! I love your list. It truly is all that and more. Well put!!

[Diane]

First, I wanted to say that I am new to reading your blog, and I am exceedingly impressed by everything I've seen here. I love the description of your lifestyle in this post.

I can relate to your friend. I have been a teacher since 1990. I'm just beginning my third year in public schools. For the vast majority of my career I've been spoiled rotten teaching in ritzy college-prep independent schools. I used to be against homeschooling, until I began privately teaching French to a homeschooled student. I was blown away, incredibly impressed by this young lady, her intelligence and drive, not to mention the rich learning environment her mom managed.

So, I am now a "regular" teacher with a great respect for homeschooling. I still consider it for my kids, but I'm unsure. I'm going to give public school a try and see how it goes. I worry about schools teaching to standardized tests and other issues, including the lack of physical activity and outdoor time for my son who NEEDS it. Also the lack of foreign language exposure at an early age--I'm handling that one on my own at home regardless. My dream would be to travel and learn, learn and travel. But I digress . . .

In any case, isn't it possible NOT to do a good job homeschooling? Honestly, I've heard stories of kids sitting in front of computers & TV's. I know it's the exception and not the rule, and I also concede that it happens in some classrooms, too. But poor schooling (like excellent schooling) does exist in public schools, private schools, and home schools.

You know, some of my friends think I "work" with my son at home because I'm a teacher. By "work" they think workbooks and flashcards. And that's what some of my friends do with their preschoolers. There's nothing wrong with that, but that's not what I do at all. But we make letters out of noodles at dinner; we write stories; we visit museums; we read, read, and read some more. And when we come across something puzzling like we did today (Why is Venus hotter than Mercury?) my son asks me to go to the computer with him to find out why.

Anyway, wouldn't it be easy for a teacher to see if a child were not coming from a rich learning environment? Isn't it possible that the child was not receiving what he should have been? Just a thought.

Very sorry this is so long. Just that kindergarten starts in a few weeks for my oldest, and I'm not filled with confidence yet. Lots on the brain.

Hope you and your family are off to a wonderful start of the school year. Keep up the great work and blog :-)

[evann]

Cay,
I have been enjoying your blog for some time now. Your posts are always very insightful - thank you! I also enjoy hearing about life in Louisiana as I am orginally a New Orleans girl.

I have tagged you for a quick fun meme at my blog. Just a bit of fun before school starts next week.

[Shannon]

What a great post Cay. I can so relate to your casual meeting as I have a cousin who is a public school teacher. Thanks for sharing..

[Beate]

Nice post Cay and you and your family are in our prayers.

For me, the best thing about learning without school, is the continued wonder found in learning. Our family consists of lifelong learners who find learning a joy - it is a blessing.