Surviving the Applewhites

<p><a onclick="window.open(this.href, '_blank', 'width=429,height=648,scrollbars=no,resizable=no,toolbar=no,directories=no,location=no,menubar=no,status=no,left=0,top=0'); return false" href="http://caygibson.typepad.com/.shared/image.html?/photos/uncategorized/applewhites.jpg"><img title="Applewhites" height="151" alt="Applewhites" src="https://caygibson.typepad.com/cays_cajun_cottage/images/applewhites.jpg" width="100" border="0" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 5px 5px 0px" /></a>I recently read <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0064410447/houseoflitera-20/">Surviving the Applewhites</a>&nbsp; by Stephanie S. Tolan while on vacation.</p> <p>I read it with a guarded eye at first, worried that the delinquent would be too delinquent-y.&nbsp; Turns out, the delinquent isn't as much a delinquent as one would expect from the introduction at the beginning of the book.&nbsp; He's more the outsider looking inside the home of a bizarre, eccentric family with...delinquent parents?!</p> <p>The thing that bothered me (for a guarded while) with the perception of this book was not the juvenile delinquent at all but the way the parents are...delinquent.&nbsp; Both are so absorbed with their work---to the point that the grocery shopping is neglected.&nbsp; &nbsp;In fact, the juvenile delinquent seems more responsible than the parents.&nbsp; While they appear to be a little too lax in their <a href="http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&amp;lr=&amp;defl=en&amp;q=define:Unschooling&amp;sa=X&amp;oi=glossary_definition&amp;ct=title">un-schooling</a> approach, there is no doubt the family learns a lot...including the juvenile delinquent.&nbsp; Perhaps he learns the most.&nbsp; Perhaps that's the whole point.&nbsp; If the parents don't hover, the children learn to do for themselves.</p> <p>The overall message of this book comes when the father's eccentric production of <em>The Sound of Music</em> is in jeopardy.&nbsp; &nbsp;</p> <p><em>&quot;And the way these people got involved was like nothing he'd ever seen before.&nbsp; They might moan and groan and grouch and complain about how much there was to do, but they put everything else aside and </em>did <em>it.&quot;</em>&nbsp; (Surviving the Applewhites)</p> <p>The mother sets aside her Great American novel to work on the costumes, Aunt Lucille puts aside her&nbsp; work to help sew, Cordelia puts aside her dance routine to do the choreography...even the mysterious Hal offers to design the set behind his closed bedroom door.&nbsp; &nbsp;And Aunt Lucille's visiting guru sets aside his meditation to pitch in and do all the grocery shopping <em>and</em> the cooking.&nbsp; They all set aside their own artistic endeavors to help another family member in need...with only one condition because in every family there is always the dynamic of instilling &quot;conditions.&quot;&nbsp; </p> <p><em>&quot;That you don't try bullying </em>me.<em>&nbsp; If your family is going to save your skin, you'd better remember that we're all artists in our own right.&nbsp; You may direct.&nbsp; You may not bully!&quot;</em></p> <p>The book is cleverly honest about our human weakness of self-centeredness.&nbsp; We are all selfish and self-centered.&nbsp; We are born that way.&nbsp; In a big way it is our means of survival early in life.&nbsp; We cry, we whine, we fret, we &quot;<em>moan and groan and grouch and complain&quot;</em>.&nbsp; &nbsp;Most the time it gets us what we want.&nbsp; It's the old cliche: <em>&quot;The wheel that squeaks the loudest gets oiled first.&quot;</em></p> <p>And we work daily to harness that downfall.&nbsp; </p> <p>More than anyone or anything else, our children teach us how to give of ourselves, how to sacrifice for the good of others, and how to purge ourselves of our sinfulness.&nbsp; Elizabeth Foss writes eloquently about how our children teach us self-sacrifice and make us a <a href="http://www.catholicherald.com/foss/06ef/ef060629.htm">more lovable person</a>.&nbsp; </p> <p><em></em></p> <p>We grow up and we realize how silly and immature it looks to <em>&quot;moan and groan and grouch and complain</em>&quot;.&nbsp; Yet we still do it, even when we realize it no longer serves a purpose, even when we realize no one is listening to us any more.&nbsp; &nbsp;</p> <p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0064410447/houseoflitera-20/"><em>Surviving the </em></a><a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0064410447/houseoflitera-20/"><em>Applewhites</em></a><em> </em>shows us the strength that families possess as long as they stick together.&nbsp; It shows that no matter how much a family may <em>&quot;moan and groan and grouch and complain</em>&quot;, when the tough gets going your family is the chrysalis that carries you.&nbsp; &nbsp;You can usually depend on them to see you through the end of the story.&nbsp; &nbsp;This book---in a light-hearted, haphazard, jovial way---shows us how to survive our own families, no matter how eccentric, bizarre, delinquent---even dysfunctional---they are.&nbsp; &nbsp;There is strength in numbers.</p> <p>I was delighted with the book and am very glad I read it.&nbsp; It's a delightful summertime read.&nbsp; I give it five stars.</p> <p><a href="http://www.harperchildrens.com/webcontent/teachers_guides/pdf/0066236029.pdf">Teacher's Guide for <em>Surviving the Applewhites</em></a> (pdf)</p>