I admit it! I have fallen already.
The first morning of Lent began well enough. I sacrificed my breakfast and committed myself to abstaining and fasting all day. It was a mental note I had glued/stamped...no! written in stone...upon my mind. And then Oma showed up with fresh ashes upon her forehead and parade candy in her hands. The children swarmed on the candy making it easy for me to resist and remain steadfast. I didn't even have a taste for it.
It wasn't until Oma left and I had gotten the children started on their school assignments that I failed. I was making up beds and straightening bedrooms from the holiday onslaught when temptation stared me in the face. A teeny, tiny Tootsie Roll peeked out from my youngest daughter's bedsheets.
Honestly, I forgot what day it was. I forgot that it was a day of fast and abstinence. All that registered in my brain was this tiny piece of candy and the realization that I was in a room all by myself. There was no one to witness my human weakness. As the candy dissolved in my mouth, it dawned on me, "Ash Wednesday! Fasting! Abstaining!"
Well, the act was already committed. No way to backtrack. What was very loud and clear to me was my weakness. I could taste it in my mouth. It was such a tiny relapse but it was clear to me that I was not even able to get through the first morning of Lent without falling victim to my own weakness.
No, I hadn't committed a sin since a lapse of memory is not a conscious fault, but my sacrifice would be less sacrificial. I could do what my mother always told me (the same mother who had brought the tempting horde of candy into our home on Ash Wednesday in the first place): offer up another sacrifice in its place---easy enough---but I realized how hard the next 40 days were going to be due to my human weaknesses and faults.
The ashes are a reminder of this. I will fall. I will fail. And I must offer these failings to Christ as willing and sacrificially as I offer my successful sacrifices. Let God do with them what He wills.
Cay -- we're all so weak. I remember when I ws a senior in College (a Catholic college no less) and I had a bacon-cheeseburger for dinner on Good Friday. Completely forgot what day it was 9and we'd done the 3 hours earlier) but I had my little brother visiting and wanted to take him somewhere collegey. I completely forgot until the last bite was in my mouth.
The devil is ever watchful!
Posted by: Mary G in Greenville | March 02, 2006 at 06:43 AM